HOW TO DISCUSS A PRENUPTIAL AGREEMENT WITH YOUR FIANCEE

Raising the subject of a prenuptial agreement with your fiancée can be a difficult task. Should you introduce the idea in small doses hoping to inoculate your fiancée to the concept? Should you grab the bull by the horns and just blurt it out? Should you approach it as a negotiation or an ultimatum? We believe that the best approach is to bring it up in the context of a larger discussion about your mutual goals and aspirations and how you plan to share your lives together. That being said, we think that there are methods for making the subject more palatable to discuss.

 

How to Raise the Topic

Although prenuptial agreements are a sensible choice for many people, raising the topic for the first time can be both awkward and unpleasant. You do not need to feel guilty about raising the subject. It is not an expression of distrust but rather, an acknowledgment of the reality that both people and circumstances change over a long period of time. It makes perfect sense to both hope for the best, and still safeguard against the worst that can happen. You should begin these discussions as early as possible. Bringing it up right before the wedding is not only unfair, it raises the possibility that the resultant prenuptial agreement might be attacked as being entered into under duress. The following are a few suggestions for bringing up the issue, particularly with a Thai fiancée:

• Bring up the issue of prenuptial agreements in general first: Introducing the subject in the context of discussions general discussions about the marriages of friends or relatives lets your fiancée know that she is not being singled out, that a prenuptial agreement does not denote a lack of personal trust and, that prenuptial agreements are quite common in Western marriages, particularly when one of the partners has been previously married and divorced, when either or both of the parties have children by previous relationships or, when there is a significant age difference between the parties.

 

• Choose the right time and place: Have the conversation in a private and comfortable place. Raising the topic in front of others or in public is probably not a good idea.

 

• Make it a discussion and not a presentation: It’s a bad idea to present your partner with a draft of a prenuptial agreement before you’ve even discussed the subject. Make it clear to your partner that the topic is up for discussion, you want only to be fair but, that it is very important to you and that it is customary in your culture for a man in your particular circumstances.

 

• Approach it in the broader context of financial planning: You and your future spouse will have other financial and legal concerns to address at some point anyway—name changes, changes to insurance and benefits documents, joint bank accounts, Wills and so on. Discussing a prenuptial agreement can arise naturally from discussions about such topics.

 

• Approach it as a part of wedding planning: You may want to work the prenup conversation into the context of wedding planning, as this planning involves money, family issues, your hopes and dreams, and your expectations of each other.

 

• Be positive: Don’t look at the prenup as “planning for divorce” but rather as a part of financial planning that will enable you to achieve your mutual goals, including providing for the lifestyle you both want, as well as retirement, education, business opportunities, travel, and so on. Working out the details up front not only helps preempt disputes in the event of divorce but also can help prevent the types of disputes that often lead to divorce. In addition, be sensitive and reassuring. If your partner reacts by asking questions such as “Don’t you trust me?” respond in an understanding way—don’t be dismissive. Instead reassure your partner that this agreement is not about a lack of trust but about planning for a successful future.

 

• Listen: If the negotiations are perceived as completely one-sided, the agreement could potentially be legally challenged and disregarded. Listen to what your partner is saying and try to address her concerns in an understanding way, without throwing in the towel.

 

• Be reasonable : If you make unreasonable demands during the prenup discussion, you may end up sabotaging your entire relationship.

 

Fairness

Let her know that in the event of a divorce, she isn’t going to walk away with nothing but the clothes on her back. Particularly in Thai culture, security, both emotional and financial is one of the primary goals of persons entering into marriage. No one, Thai or Western, could be expected to agree in advance to walking away from a 10, 15, 20 year marriage in utter destitution. In most instances, reasonable prenups contain “fall-back” provisions that provide for some minimum share of the marital assets, increasing based on the length of the marriage or some minimum cash settlement per year of the marriage. Sure, if your marriage lasts 6 months, it’s not unreasonable that one party walks away with very little. If the marriage lasts 20 years, it probably is unreasonable.

 

Sunset Clause

Sometimes, couples choose to add a so-called sunset clause to their prenuptial agreement that terminates the agreement if a certain event or situation occurs. In most States and certainly under Thai law, you can add a provision to your prenup that automatically ends the prenup after a certain period of time. For example, a couple might believe that a prenup should be unnecessary after 10 years of marriage, so they could add a sunset clause to that effect. Other couples might use a sunset clause to terminate the prenup in the event that they have a child. The addition of a sunset clause can be a way to compromise if one person is against the prenup: it allows the couple to express their hope for a permanent union while also protecting against a short marriage.